Farewell to Carol
A memorial service was held for my friend Carol in Warren, Vermont, on Saturday, January 28, 2023. The day before, I flew from West Palm Beach to Burlington and had an hour-long taxi ride to Warren through a winter wonderland still lit for Christmas. At West Hill House B&B, I stayed in the “Bluebonnet” room, so-named because the owners had lived in McKinney TX. For breakfast I joined skiers setting out for the nearby Stowe Mountain Resort.
It was a joy to be with Carol’s husband Jim and sons Aaron and Matt. Having known Carol’s family for 72 years, I could see in her sons’ faces traces of their heritage. Like his grandfather Cochran, Aaron is an accomplished photographer; he took this lovely picture of his mother. His brother Matt is an expert woodworker who constructed a lovely rosewood box for his mother’s ashes.
I had met Carol’s daughters-in-law, Tara and Zoe, many years ago and we were glad to reconnect. A special joy was meeting Carol’s grandchildren: Evan, 18, a first-year architecture student at Wentworth Institute in Boston, and Skylar, an eighth grader in Ghent NY, offspring of Aaron and Tara. Ian, who had recently graduated from the University of Vermont in Burlington; and Luke, who is a freshman at that University, are the sons of Matt and Zoe. Carol’s only niece Rebecca Ramsey came from Spicewood TX with her husband Scott and son Braden. Jim’s old friend, Dave Lewis, came from Vero Beach FL and was joined by his daughter Mandy of Rye NY. The weather was beautiful with only occasional light snow. New boots and my old fur coat kept me warm.
The Groom family lived in a lovely house in Warren, right next to a covered bridge on the Mad River. Aaron and Matt told stories of how they used to jump into the river from the roof of their house. Now Jim, who still lives there, is in the process of transforming it into a Bed and Breakfast that promises to do very well. (May it will have a “Phillips” room?) Warren marks the crossing of four roads, but has no stoplight. With a population of 2800, it’s about half the size of Phillips TX when Carol and I grew up there in the 1950s and 60s. The program for Carol’s memorial service listed her involvement in her community:
Over the years she was an active member of the Warren United Church, served on the Mad River Valley Ambulance Service as an EMT-D, was on the board of Rootswork, was President of the Vermont Chapter of the Sierra Club, and hosted a radio show called “At the Crossroads” on WMRW-LP.
The church was full of people who had known Carol when she was so active. Here, along with some treasured photos, is the eulogy I gave:
“Today I am honored to participate in celebrating the life of Carol Cochran Groom. I will speak not only for myself, but for several friends who knew Carol since we all started first grade together 72 years ago in Phillips, Texas. Most of us stayed until we graduated from Phillips High School. For the last two weeks we have been chatting by telephone and exchanging emails with each other. The dozen people I speak for all knew Carol well, admired her a lot, and wish to express our deep sorrow for your loss.
Our fathers all worked for the Phillips Petroleum Company and we all lived in modest, identical houses. A large inland refinery was just a short walk away. There was only one stop light; it was a safe place to grow up. Phillips was a thriving place when we lived there, but in 1980, an explosion rocked the town. The refinery is still there, but the houses have all been moved away. Phillips TX may be a ghost town, but we who benefitted from its heyday are left with vivid memories and dear friends.
By fifth grade, Carol and I had worn a 2-minute path between our houses. Our houses were so small that we played outdoors a lot— biking, roller skating, roaming the canyons, sleeping out and stargazing under the inky black sky. Carol took piano lessons from my mother. Carol’s father introduced us to his hobby, photography. Carol’s mother directed the insect and leaf collections we made for school projects. In the process, we learned about our natural environment by exploring the Canadian River breaks in the flat, dry, tree-less Texas Panhandle.
The Texas Panhandle, however, did have snowstorms—not like Vermont’s, but some doozies. Classmate Billy Don Briscoe recalls venturing into Carol’s neighborhood one day when schools were closed and chunking snowballs at Carol and her friends. He said the girls thought it was too cold and didn’t stay outside long. He decided they were wimps! Jack Gray remembers Carol not as a wimp, but as an excellent volleyball player. He wrote me that in 8th grade, the girls volleyball team challenged the boys. “The boys tried to be bangers, while the girls played with finesse and grace. We boys failed to win; instead, we got a lesson in how to play volleyball.”
Carol was the first chair clarinet in our high school concert band. She took lessons on her beautiful French clarinet. I accompanied her on the piano when she won a Superior rating for the beautiful Adagio movement of Mozart’s Clarinet Concerto. In the marching band she was a majorette. Classmate Ray Robbins remembers that “Carol was a very good twirler who was often featured in the half time show.”
Besides academics and music, Carol also excelled at sports. Sharon Flinn Blythe from the PHS Class of ’64, remembers Carol on the tennis courts.
She took me under her wing and mentored me as her doubles partner for two years. Carol had a very strong forehand and serve, which won us many matches. She was kind and soft spoken which made my transition to high school very pleasant. We laughed during matches and had a lot of fun. I always considered Carol a good friend.
Carol’s zest for travel was apparent when her family invited me to go camping with them in Red River NM. We fished, cooked out, hiked and square danced. It opened up a new world for me. Our band took many long trips in school buses: 500 miles to Austin, the capital, and 380 miles to Dallas to march at the Cotton Bowl on New Year’s Day, 1960.
Deanna Flanders Hein, who lived close to Carol on Hamilton Drive, has special memories of our high school sorority, Semper Fidelis, “Always Faithful” was our motto, just as it is for the United States Marine Corps. Our club hosted elaborate formal dances every fall and spring. In August 1961 we traveled over 600 miles to Galveston, stopping near Dallas to visit the original and just-opened “Six Flags Over Texas.” Deanna also contacted classmates Bill Shannon and Cheryl Hunter Wisely, Carol’s college roommate, who were very sad to hear of Carol’s passing.
Carolyn Moore Rhea talked just this week with Sandra Roscoe Stiles, Carol’s first cousin, who would have loved to be here today, but for her current state of health. Together they recalled playing dress-up at Sandra’s house. Carolyn wrote
Carol’s Aunt Jean had a large trunk filled with wondrous clothes that let us become anyone we wanted. Carol and Sandra were part of my life in Girl Scouts, band, Semper Fidelis, school trips, competitions, days at the pool, dances, slumber parties. Carol’s shy smile, her tendency to blush, her puns and witty comments were an integral part of our lives. Later, as grandmothers, we were able to reconnect. Being together again was a joy and blessing to all of us. Carol’s gentle kindness, thoughtfulness, and sense of fun linger now as we celebrate her life.
When we graduated from Phillips High in 1962, Carol and I both won Phillips Petroleum Company scholarships. On summer breaks from college, we got jobs at Glacier National Park. In 1964 I was a maid at Many Glacier Hotel; the next summer Carol earned better money as a waitress at Lake McDonald Lodge. She returned to Glacier several times with family members.
In June 1966 Steve and I got married; she was in our wedding. On Christmas Eve of that year, when Carol and Jim got married, we couldn’t afford a trip from Boston to Texas. Instead, we visited my brother Harry in New York City. On New Year’s Eve Harry took us all to Tortilla Flats, a bar in Greenwich Village, to celebrate. Carol and Jim were on their way to Germany, where Jim served in the U.S. Army. The next summer we got to meet up with them again in Paris. Unforgettable! We each had our first child in 1971 and continued to stay in touch all through our lives.
Carol LOVED road trips. It’s 1,866 miles from Warren VT to Borger TX, but she drove it more than once. Each April in the late 1970s, when she got tired of snow in Vermont, she brought her boys down to our house in Arlington VA, to enjoy a few days of warm weather, cherry blossoms and Smithsonian museums. Twice we came to visit the Grooms here in Warren. When my oldest daughter moved to Cambridge for graduate school in 1995, we would meet there. In 2008, after both of our families had had experience with cancer, Carol, Jim and I provided direct support to the PanMass Challenge, a two-day bike ride from Wellesley MA to Provincetown, to raise money for Dana Farber Cancer Institute.
From 1998 through 2015, nine of us who started first grade together met for long weekends, first in Destin FL, then Washington DC, Asheville TN and great places in “Texas, our Texas”— San Antonio, Austin, Fort Worth, and Fredericksburg. We called ourselves “Yayas” (Greek for grandmothers) and enjoyed the freedom of empty-nest-hood. Marjo Hettick van Patten remembers fondly when Carol and Jim stopped by to visit her and her husband in Bellbrook, Ohio. Louise Hill Chester wrote to me: “When I think of Carol I remember her beautiful smile, her intelligence and her sense of humor.”
Now it’s my turn to speak for myself, Martha Kirkpatrick Smith: When I think of Carol, I think of three E’s—Energy, Enthusiasm, and Environment. Carol seemed to absorb some of that energy that Phillips refined from the black gold flowing underneath the Texas Panhandle. Carol shared her boundless energy with her classmates and her family, and for many years, with you people here in Warren. Carol’s enthusiasm for travel prompted me to come here today. Wherever she lived and wherever she traveled, she explored her surroundings. Her commitment to protecting our natural environment inspires us all.
Today, I particularly want to address Carol’s grandchildren, Evan, Skylar, Ian and Luke, and her grandnephew Braden. I’m sorry that you missed knowing Carol in her prime. We who knew her then want you to know what a terrific human being she was. Carol embodied our high school club motto, Semper Fidelis. She was always faithful to God, to her husband, to her family, to her friends, and to her community. Farewell, Carol, we loved you very much.”
Leave a Reply